Duo's Very Stupid and Twisted Revenge
by Elvenkitty
Summary: Duo decides to play a joke on the other pilots for some reason. PG-13 because of revenge-type themes and vampire costumes.


Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing, the Pilots, The Lost Boys, the rope, the net, the pit, the red button or anything else mentioned in this fic. I don't own the plot, seeing as there isn't one...I also do not own gym class, where this fic was written, but I wish I did so I could make gym completely optional. I also do not own Fantasy Island or the line "Smiles everyone, smiles." I also do not own the sarcastic meter reading thing. See, disclaimers can be fun! Thank you.  
I don't think this is really PG-13, but I wouldn't let my sister read it, so...then I wouldn't let my brother either, but...nah, it'd give him ideas...not good...  
Warning: The following pointless waste of memory and disk space, contains OoC-ness (I like that word, it's fun to say!), was hazardous to my health (gym class and minions--not a good combination...toss in a leprechaun and...), is even more pointless than this warning, and may cause permanent damage to your mind. So read it! Or not, your choice...  
  
Duo's Very Stupid and Twisted Revenge  
  
Duo laughed to himself, muttering, "Oh, man, I hope they come soon. This is gonna be so funny. Come on, where are they? Come on...Come on..." Suddenly Trowa walked around the corner. "Yes!!" hissed Duo.  
  
Trowa stopped and looked around, listening. 'I thought I heard something...hmmm.' Deciding it had been his imagination, he continued walking. Duo saw this and started snickering quietly. Trowa kept walking, but suddenly found himself upside down in a tree, hanging by his left foot.  
  
Duo somehow manages to restrain himself from laughing *Authoress hiding duct tape*, while waiting the other parts of his plan to fall into place. A few minutes later, just when Duo is ready to snap and call for one of the others to bring pizza, *OoC-ness alert* Wufei and Quatre come walking around the corner, arguing.   
  
"Nataku can defeat your weak Sandrock any day!" yells Wufei.  
  
"Prove it!" replies Quatre, in a bad mood for some reason. *hiding frying pan and paint*  
  
An annoyed voice is heard from around the corner. "Hey, can you get me down from here?"  
  
"Wufei, did you hear that?"  
  
"Hear what?"  
  
"GET ME DOWN!"  
  
"Oh, that..."  
  
" Where's it coming from?" Quatre says as they look around, and finally up, to see Trowa hanging from a tree by his foot. "Hey Trowa, how'd you get up in that tree?"  
  
*OoC-ness warning--again*"Just hangin' around, letting the blood rush to my head *Oh! Look at the pretty shade of red!*   
  
Wufei is actually making sense for once...see!"Did you mess up on of your weird triple somersault-twist-thingies?" *I always wondered what would happen if Trowa messed up one of those things...*  
  
"JUST GET ME DOWN!" *Must be very dizzy...*  
  
"Come on Wufei, let's get 'im down..."  
  
"Oh, all right."  
  
As they walked toward Trowa to cut him down, Duo had to struggle to hold in his laughter.*Must get more duct tape* When Quatre and Wufei got within ten feet of Trowa, pressed a small red button on a control that suddenly appears in his hand. *Authoress takes the controller and presses a blue button, which paralyzes the so-called voices in her head. Controller appears back in Duo's hand* Suddenly Quatre and Wufei drop into a pit, and are pulled up in a net. Duo nearly falls out of the tree trying not to laugh.  
  
Duo checks to make sure the final trap is set, and settles down to wait for his final victim. *presses a button on control panel, popcorn appears in Duo's hand. Voices wake up and glare at Authoress-"What? I didn't do anything" Start to close in on her"Oh no..."* Duo looks around trying to figure out where the thumping is coming from.'Oh, well, guess they woke up.'  
  
Finally, two hours later when Duo decides Heero isn't coming, guess who walks around the corner. That's right, it's Heero, the Perfect Soldier. As Duo's final, unsuspecting victim walks closer tok the special trap set just for him, Duo has even more trouble containing his laughter. Right before Heero walks around the corner and sees the other three pilots,   
Duo pressed yet another red button-lots of red buttons on this controller. *Warning: Reading the following may cause inability to understand cause and effect...do not read before a science or math class, as we break the laws of physics regularly. You have been warned...* The ground fell out from under Heero, as he fell into a six-foot deep hole in the ground *We forgot to warn you about the pits...somehow we hid--*cough* lost the signs*Holds up lighter and smiles, eyes glazing over*) landed on a trampoline, bounced up into the air and landed in a large cargo net by Wufei, Quatre, and Trowa. Duo could finally laugh out loud and when he did he shook so hard he fell out of the tree. He landed on a grassy cushioned moss patch, of course, because we can't have him getting hurt before the others get their revenge. The other four pilots stared at him in shock for the first instant, then realized he must be responsible for their being tied up and Trowa's being unconcious (from all the blood rushing to his head, you see).They all began plotting revenge plots, thinking dark thoughts, and planning evil little plans, courtesy of the little voices in their heads (What, you didn't think they came up with all those plans on their own, did you?).  
  
"I am going to kill you, Duo."*Note: Heero said this in English because he figures Duo can't know Japanese if he comes back after repeated death threats.*hides from Heero**  
  
Duo just smirked and pulled out the camera from behind his back. As the three concious pilots look on in horror, he smirked and said,"Smiles everyone, smiles." And took the picture (What's he gonna do with the picture, you ask? I have no idea, he didn't tell me. Maybe I'll make him tell me and I'll write another fic about it, if for some strange reason you want to know, at least from me). He then turned around and headed back to the house, just leaving the other four pilots hanging there. The three who were awake were discussing what to do about Duo while they tried to get down (Trowa's mind was still out to lunch).  
  
"Duo Maxwell must die." Heero, of course.  
  
"No, I think that's a little harsh for a harmless prank." Quatre, the little naive boy.  
  
"Harmless! Look at Trowa. You call that harmless!" Wufei said. "Anyway, we've been stuck up here hours longer than you!"  
  
"That just goes to show how weak and incompetent you are." Wufei twitched at this.  
  
Suddenly, a knife appeared in Heero's hand and he cut the rope, commenting,"I don't really think I should cut you down, but Duo's obviously not coming back and if what you say is true--"  
  
"What do you mean 'if'?" yelled an outraged Wufei (That wasn't OoC...).  
  
"If what you say is true, Trowa probably has permanent brain damage by now."  
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Meanwhile, back at the house, Duo was looking for his favorite horror movie, The Lost Boys, but it was going kinda slow. Everytime he thought about the looks on the other pilot's faces he couldn't stop laughing. As he sat down to watch the movie (he finally found it), he heard the thunderstorm outside starting to crack and the rain growing stronger. He sighed as he said,"I hope the power doesn't go out."  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
At the tree the other three pilots were down on the ground and discussing what they should do to get back at Duo for his little prank.  
  
"I say we short-sheet his bed," said Quatre.  
  
"No, too mild." Said Trowa.  
  
"How about we arrange all the furniture in his room on the ceiling?" Quatre, again.  
  
*OoC-ness warning...again*  
  
"NO! THAT IS TOO MILD!" shouted Trowa.  
  
Quatre whimpered, "I was just trying to help."  
  
Heero decides to cut in with a not-so-smart suggestion. "Why don't we get him with that movie he's always watching, The Lost Boys." *Yes I am a bit fond of the movie- motorcycles and the bloody death of bloodsuckers, what's not to like? Besides, I find the scene where the vampires jump off the train tracks to be inspiring for certain stories...*hides all blunt objects from her minions**  
  
Trowa gave up on reckless revenge and said, "Ok, why not."  
  
They all gathered round in a circle (if you can imagine that), to discuss their plan.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Duo was watching as the vampires attempted to get Mike to make his first kill. As he sat on the couch, mezmorized by the awesome special effects (whoa, the sarcastic reading just went off the scale!*quickly hides sarcastic meter* "It didn't say anything, really!"), he heard someone knock at the front door, and a voice calling "Duo" softly. *cliche horror movie part thingie warning* He searched the house, but found nothing, and no one was at the door when he checked. He was about to go back to his movie when he glanced outside and saw the horrible vampired-out face of Tony, teenage leader of the undead lost boys. Duo jumpedback in suprise as Tony lunged in through the somehow open window, the rest of the blood drinking gang close behind. Duo yelled and ran, trying to escape, but the vampires quickly caught him. As he looked at them in horror, Tony leaned close to Duo's ear and hissed, "Where is the film."  
  
Duo looked surprised, then yelled as he tackled all four "vampires". (Massive OoC-ness alert. So if this could give you a coronary, please don't read anymore. I don't want to kill any real people.) He pulled off the masks, revealing Trowa, Wufei, Quatre, and Heero, laughing in his face.   
  
"You should have seen your face," laughed Trowa.  
  
"I'm sorry, Duo. They made me do it.I thought it was too mean!" Quatre cried, on the brink of tears.  
  
"It was funny," Wufei, of course.  
  
"Oh, of course," smiled Duo. "Friends again?"  
  
""Friends again." Agreed the other pilots, completely oblivious for some strange reason *hiding the OoC darts and the Oblivious darts Omi let her borrow* to the fact that Duo had his fingers crossed behind his back.  
  
The End...Or is it? (Duo presses yet another red button) Screams are heard from the house where the pilots live.  
  
  
AN: There were a lot of comments heard from me throughout this. If ykou didn't like them, I'm very sorry, and no, I am not being sarcastic. This is my first real fic (the others were jokes during English class), so please R and R...any kind of review accepted, including flames and threats...me like flames...fire... "Creative Criticism" is accepted, too. Sorry, the pilots are slightly ticked at me (I wonder why?).  
  
Well, I have to go get rid of all this stuff *holds up box full of various objects used in the fic, including Duo's copy of The Lost Boys that he took from her room, duct tape, frying pan, paint, the controller, the "missing" signs, Oblivious darts, OoC darts, vampiire costumes, and the matches she is going to use to destroy the physical evidence of this fic before the pilots wake up). Ja ne! And please keep an eye out for the Voices and minions...they ran away to plot against me again. 


End file.
